The Man Who Never Bled: Chuck Norris
Okay, Chuck Norris isn’t exactly new news. Anyone who’s been on the Internet in the past six years knows all too well about the hilarious Norrisisms that have been floating around. “Chuck can kill two stones with one bird.” “Norris could play Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and never lose.” “Chuck’s the reason Waldo hides.” And so on and so forth.
Chuck is a bad man, no bout a-doubt it! There’s also an online game where you can test Chuck’s mettle against ninjas! That’s right; ninjas! In Chuck Norris: Attack of the Massacre Ninjas, a lucky player gets to live vicariously through the man who knows no fear, kicking and punching and ripping the hearts from an onslaught of costumed warriors.
I like the game for two reasons: 1) It’s Chuck Norris and 2) you can test out your sadistic side during a lunch break. It’s also easy to control. Simply click and hold the left mouse button to control Chuck’s arms. When ninjas come at you, throw your iron fist of annihilation and watch the bad guys go bouncing. By jumping in the air and holding the left mouse, you can control Chuck’s leg for vicious kicks. You can move left to right, jump and crouch, by using the “W” key (jump), “A” key (back/left), “D” key (forward/right), and the “S” key to crouch.
Overall, the game is very simplistic. Chuck should be able to wreak havoc on at least 12 ninjas at once in the latter levels. But the game isn’t only fun because Chuck can easily kick some tail (in real life, too, just watch Walker Texas Ranger); he also rips hearts out and eats them and stomps the brains out of ninja heads. Just hold your hand over a ninja’s heart, click the left mouse, and rip their heart out. You can then hold it to Chuck’s mouth and he’ll eat it to regain his health. By jumping in the air and landing on a ninja’s head, the brain will pop out and you can use this as a weapon.
The Chuck Norris game isn’t one of the most technologically advanced I’ve ever played, but it is fun. It loads in a basic flash player and doesn’t lag your computer down. All in all, it’s worth playing just to see Chuck eat red meat.
